what now...

life has been pretty crazy lately. the school year is finally over. the little ones have gone away for the summer. i have successfully completed my first year of teaching.... now what?

that seems to be the questions that has been on my mind for a little over 2 months. 2 months ago i decided to resign from my teaching position and venture out away from utah. and now i'm in the process of making that happen.

a lot in my life has changed. a year ago yesterday, i said yes to a young man who asked me to spend the rest of eternity with him. that obviously has changed. a year ago i had a plan for the rest of my life. i was headed down a path that felt right. one that was illuminated with light and sunshine. however, i find myself down a completely different path (reminds me of the story of the fork in the road by elder holland, i think).

i have to admit that i have had very deep and long moments of uncertainty, unhappiness, and down right depression. on the other hand i have also had wonderful, blissful, and peaceful moments in the midst of the storm.

one of these moments came just a few nights ago as i was reading in the Doctrine and Covenants. i had been just flipping through the pages and reading random passages that i had highlighted trying to figure out why i had highlighted them when i came across D&C 123:17.

"Therefore, dearly beloved [sister], let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed."

for anyone that knows me they know that i am kind of control freak. i am definitely a do-er and i am an a type personality. well lately i feel like i've been running around with my head cut off trying to do everything even the things that are out of my control. the scripture talks about being cheerful and doing all that is within our power. i'm was not cheerful or doing just what is within my power. i was chastised by the Lord and it was just what i needed.

then it admonishes to stand still. what does it mean to stand still...? that is what i am trying to figure out. i mean it says to stand still and it promises that with the UTMOST ASSURANCE I will see the salvation of God (i took it to mean His plan for me) and for his ARM (WILL or WAY) to be revealed. there you go jen, DUH! i mean its right there. a perfect piece of knowledge and light.

so what about peace... does that come when you are standing still? i want to feel at peace... so i kept flipping pages and stopped when i saw this scripture:

"But learn that he who doeth the works of righteousness shall receive his reward, even peace in this world and eternal life in the world to come..."

now i need to do the works of righteousness and i have been promised that i will have peace. so my next feat will be to learn to do all things that are within my power cheerfully, then stand still, learn and do the works of righteousness, and be obedient. i think standing still is going to be my hardest challenge...