Tuesday, May 27, 2008

windows, doors, and lemonade?

how many times have you been told when life closes a door that it will open a window? or when one door closes another one opens? too many times to count i'm sure. or when life hands you lemons... make lemonade? yep that one too.

the other day as i was leaving school a co-worker of mine asked me for an update in my personal life. she knew of the struggles that i had been going through and the abyss i was finding myself spiraling down. i told her that i really didn't have much to share. she said this, "well i know that you've probably heard this before... when one door closes another one will open... but what no one tells you is that the hallway is hell..."

isn't that the truth? no one ever tells you that. and you know what THEY SHOULD! lol.

there is an address, Choices, given by the late President James E. Faust about the principle of doors opening, opportunities, agency, and such. he talks of indecision being a decision and how a person may have the opportunity to partake in a blessing, but through their own agency they may miss the blessing or opportunity that Heavenly Father has put before them.

i am currently self assessing those situations in my life... was it really right? was it right then and wrong now? was it because of my ignorance/fear/lack of faith/stubbornness that i missed the boat? how many doors have closed? how many new doors went unnoticed? even windows? and lemonade... i'm not even going to go there... =)

i feel like a HUGE door in my life has closed. i am walking that hallway of "hell" searching for the next door to open. will i recognize it? what helps you to see the doors? how do you know which door or window to try? is there someone there.... walking this hallway with me?

i know that i am not alone. my savior and redeemer is there. i can hear his voice. i can feel his love. i know that i will try doors that will not open. some that will open a crack but won't budge any farther. i may be deceived. i may deceive myself. but i have a rock on which i can build myself and that rock will get me through it all.

lemonade anyone?

Sunday, May 18, 2008

bundle of joy

i haven't been able to think of what to blog about lately... so here are just a few pictures of my BEAUTIFUL niece, Olivia Lee Sellers. maybe... one day....

we were all born with full heads of hair! she is no exception. gotta love the cute pig tails. she is our very own version of Boo from Monsters INC!

she is so curious already! olivia and i sat out in the foyer during brad's hooding and she just love watching all the people walk by.
she is also a talker! she'll just sit on the bed and tell you stories. you should hear that one about the hippo and lion! kidding of course, but she very vocal; in a good way.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

...the countdown is on...

monday marked the beginning of the end of the my 1st year of teaching! that is exciting, and nerve racking at the same time. i started to take down my room as of monday. i will admit that i am still torn about leaving. however, at the same time i feel like i just have come to a cross road in my life where change is needed. there is too much here that i don't understand. sounds kind of like i'm running, huh?

well i guess if you want to think about it that way i guess i kind of am. i am running towards something, at least i'd like to think of it that way, and not away from something. i haven't done something just for me in a long time. i had made the decision to stay in utah after graduating for an "us" not a "me." i have made choices in my life for the past year for "us" and not "me." and well it started to get old as the other part of "us" appeared to be thinking more "me" than "us." and please do not take that as me trying to point a finger. it is what was best for him and that makes me happy. now i guess its my turn to think "me" instead of "us."

no word from any school districts yet. but i'm exploring other options. i looked up different cosmetology schools around the country and make up artistry schools too. i started to study for the GRE to go back to get a masters degree. still contemplating the LSAT. the world, once again is my play ground. now i need to be active in choosing what to do with my play ground and where i want my life to go. i need to line up things for me and then take other things or people as they come.

God has given me that right to choose my path; even the wrong path. with these choices come consequences, both good and bad. and those consequences are unavoidable. i pray that i will use the divine gift instead of becoming apathetic, crippled, or faithless. i would like to think of Heavenly Father and myself as a partnership. together we are building up the kingdom. He at the head with me participating willingly by submitting myself to His will. and if/when he stays his hand, moving forward with courage, trust, and faith in Him and in myself and making decisions based on my testimony of the restored gospel and not in the "arm of flesh."

come what may, i will progress. at least that is my goal. hugh nibley said "true education is progressive repentance." i have been told that i need to seek out all the education i can both spiritually and temporally. and when the time comes in my life that i can no longer progress on my own and need a partner to progress in the eternal scheme of things, i will stand and say with confidence that i have done all i can as an individual to ensure our progress as a family unit (crossing my fingers).

sometimes we cannot ask our father in heaven to change our situation, but we can ask him to aid us in changing our heart.