Friday, March 28, 2008

3 powerful words...

up to this point in my life i never really realize how much 3 little words can make or break some one. for some reason over the past 2 weeks or so hearing, reading, saying, or showing these words or not hearing, reading, saying, or showing them has been at the surface of my emotions. i'm not usually a "words" person; i'm more of an "actions" person. but now i find myself needing these 3 words immensely. if there are people in your life that you love please tell, show, write, and live these 3 words. find the courage and choose someone to tell these 3 sweet, melodic, powerful words to and do it with passion, meaning, and life. you just might change their day/month/year/life.


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

the journey we call life...

I feel like i'm standing in front of this fork in the journey of life, straining my eyes to see down each path. Craving happiness-believing that it will be at the end of one of these paths. Then, sad and disappointed, each of the horizons look similar. I am wanting the end to be placed before me instead of choosing a path and finding happiness and joy along the journey.
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”-George Bernard Shaw
Happiness isn't an ending point or something that you only get to as your life or journey comes to an end. I need to use my agency and choose a path and find joy along the journey. The prophet Joseph Smith has a wonderful quote about this very principle. i'll have to find it and post it later.

"We have so much to smile about, be happy about, yes, even to laugh about.

So many of us are always waiting to be happy. 'If only I could graduate, if only I could afford a car, if only I could get married …' For too many, happiness is just over the horizon, never reachable. Every time we climb one hill, happiness beckons just beyond the next.

It is a terrible thing always to be waiting for tomorrow, always depending on tomorrow, always excusing our todays because we are sure that only in the future will we possess the things that will fulfill us.

Don’t wait for tomorrow. Don’t wait for the right job, the right house, the right salary, the right dress size. Be happy today. Be happy now."-Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

Each of the paths i have before me will lead to good places. It is up to me to choose one. i know all of this, and yet my legs and feet seem to weigh a million pounds and my eyes keep squinting that much more in hopes that something or someone will miraculously be there on the horizon summoning me to take that path. Nothing is nudging me, there are no voices, there is no figure at the end of the road as far as my mortal eyes can see.
“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today”
Then as i start to look around i notice small un paved paths with no horizon in sight; however, there is an inkling of a small unworn path that cuts through the under brush and trees. One to the left and one to the right. There is no end in sight, but a soft light glows from the path and makes them look inviting and some what adventureous. Should I embark down one of those paths and use all the preparation I have had thus far and just blaze the unknown.

Do i do it alone? Or do i wait here at this place for another traveler to go with me?
“You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you’ve collected a lot of empty yesterdays.”
President Monson gave a guide to this predicament in life. In an address called "In Search of Treasure" he gives 3 main guides for our "treasure maps" aka the journey through mortality (see article). I've never really thought of life as a treasure map. i guess you could say i have had a bleak outlook on life. what have i been missing out on due to my limited and confused eternal perspective? And what about this obsession with thinking that i would have to just trudge through life eventually ending up in a place called "happily ever after"? i really do need to start to view this path that i am on, this fork in the road, as part of my treasure map. what treasures does my maker have laid out before me?
"One day, each of us will run out of tomorrows. Let us not put off what is most important."-President Thomas S. Monson
i can find joy in the journey.
“Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be”-Abe Lincoln

first grade... nuff said

for the past few days my kids have been driving me bonkers. well not all of them but a few have just pushed me to my farthest point. as a teacher you have days when being positive is a struggle and the negative just seems to come out. at this point its hard to genuinely praise some kids when they are just on your last nerve and then some.

well i have to admit that there were 2 days that i just wanted to scream at a few of them and tell them to just STOP! but of course i didn't. so, i wasn't as smiley and happy with the class in general because these little boys were pushing my buttons! then it happened.... happened while we were doing calendar one morning. they had just been awful coming in and were noisy and just ugh. anyways... i was going over the word of the day with them and we were trying to have a discussion about what this word meant. and one of them was just yapping away and i almost lost it... i gave him the teacher look. he looked up at me and whispered "sorry" and tried to give me the pouty face. i wasn't having it. just then i heard it... a faint little toot exit his body...i think i'd scare the toot out of him... haha.

...normally i just keep going with whatever it is that we're doing as not to attraction attention to the passing of gas and not to embarrass the little one. and as a side note, you'd be surprised about how often this happens... let me tell you... A LOT!

sooooo i'm trying to hold on to my anger at this point and fought the urge to say something. but before i knew it a smile came across my lips and i just started to laugh. i tried so hard to keep from laughing. i tried to just keep going, but i kept getting choked up and finally i gave in. i just started laughing and i couldn't stop.

the anger melted away and i was just enjoying the moment. weird i know. but the rest of the day seemed to go smoothly after that. thank goodness for that moment. i'm glad that the frowning didn't continue and it was just the moment i needed to get over it all.

Friday, March 7, 2008

...the lion fell in love with the lamb...

here are somethings that i have been thinking about...

The following quote is from one of my favorite books. Bella, the lamb, is in love with Edward, the lion. Their love story is intense, it starts in a book called Twilight. It is one of my favorite depictions of two people who are so obviously wrong for each other while at the same time being so right for each other. Edward decides to leave Bella for her own safety, he's a vampire. He tells her he doesn't want her anymore and that she is not good for him.

The scene is filled with so much emotion. As he turns to walk away she reaches her hand out to him and calls out, "Don't."
As her fingers brush his hand as he turn she closes her eyes. And then with a blink of an eye he is gone (he has this ability to move stealth like and faster than anything human). She wanders through the forest as the sun sets. She sinks deep into a fog and slips into unconsciousness to numb herself from reality. In New Moon we see Bella struggle to deal with, or not deal with, Edward's obvious absence in her life.

Bella makes a comment about Edward:
"I was not allowed to think of him. That was something I tried to be very strict about. Of course I slipped; I was only human. But I was getting better, and so the pain was something I could avoid for days at a time now. The trade off was the never ending numbness. Between pain and nothing, I'd chosen nothing. ... Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk" (pg. 113, 117, New Moon)
I feel like i am walking that line. I hate walking that line...

The next one is found later in the book...

"..One thing I truly knew-knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest-was how love gave someone the power to break you. I'd been broken beyond repair." -Bella, New Moon
I can testify to this.

I just got done reading Twilight (again!). I first read this book while on a cruise... i read it in 2 days. I couldn't put it down! New Moon, i bought in the airport on a lay over in Houston on the way home. I finished it just as the plane landed! I ate it up! Here are two quotes from the first book, Twilight.

"What did [Edward] mean, it was better we weren't friends? My stomach twisted. He must see how absorbed I was by him; he must not want to lead me we couldn't even be friends... because he wasn't interested in me at all. Of course he wasn't interested in me, I thought angrily, my eyes stinging... I wasn't interesting. And he was. Interesting...and brilliant...and mysterious...and perfect... and beautiful.."

i've felt like that before...the not being interesting part... and admiring someone who i think is... the feelings of insecurity... not being good enough.. haven't we all?

"About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him-and I didn't know how potent that part might be- that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him"

I'm sure there will be more to come about my passion for this story. I'm currently reading New Moon (again!). Here are some more pictures... and i found the cover art for her 4th book of the series too!

The 3rd Book! Eclipse.
Midnight Sun. Edward's version of the story.

Breaking Dawn. Release Date is set for August 2, 2008!

Monday, March 3, 2008

I've been tagged... Read to see if I tagged you!

1. 10 years ago: wow... i was 13. what an awkward stage in my life. i was just getting braces. ha. that started the 4 years of brace face! yes... do you remember that show by the way... alicia silverstone was the voice of the girl. So... anyways... i had my first kiss when i was 13 too. Trent Andrews. Ha. um... i played point guard for my middle school's girls basketball team, i could run a 6 minute mile, and i came in second place during the turkey trot.

2. 5 things on my to-do list today: ~teach ~FHE ~Walmart Date ~Read Twilight (again) ~Plan for the rest of the week (teaching stuff) ... as i reread over my list... i'm really boring!

3. Snacks I enjoy: ~Cheese itz ~chocolate muffins ~goldfish ~DAVID's sunflower seeds ~Take 5s ~the uncooked tortillas from costco (cooked of course) ~cereal ~Cheddar and Sour Cream Baked Chips (the ones with ridges) ~Mint M and Ms ~chocolate chip cookies ~nutter butters ~oreos with milk ~steamed broccoli (yes as a snack) ~steamed fresh green beans ~pineapple... wow i eat a lot...

4. What I would do if I were suddenly made a billionaire: ~travel the world ~buy a house ~go back to school ~save a few dollars ~wake up and hop on a plane and just go somewhere ~buy a Marc Jacobs bag ~help out the church besides tithing ~find couples who can't afford to go to the temple and help them financially get there (this is really one of my life's dreams, something that I really am working towards, billionaire or not) ~attend those sealings when possible ~start a charity ~spoil my family, especially Olivia

5. 5 places I have lived: well... ~walnut, california ~corona, california ~provo, utah... sorry i only have 3... but if i could choose two more to follow these they would be.... ~some where in Europe, Australia, or China and ~some where in Colorado....

6. 4 jobs that I have had: ~Frozen Yogurt-Golden Spoon...i don't scoop... i SWIRL! ~Office Clerk-IFCO ~BYU Bowling Alley! one of the best jobs.... ~Teacher! (substitute, summer, and regular ed) I am all about longevity! I worked at each one for 3 years! Except the office clerk...

7. 3 of my BAD habits: I can only choose 3....~being too organized.... ~leaving my clothes on the floor (kind of goes against the organizational thing... but i always know where to find them because i'm organized) ~being OCD/Anal sometimes

8. 5 Random Things people don't know about me: ok i'm going to copy one of shareka's but put mine in ~I hate these words: moist, panties, and caca. those are words that i just don't like. and it bothers me even more then they are used in any combination. ~i got a perm...recently... like less than a week ago... i need the body... don't judge me ~i smell the milk carton every time i use it... yes thats right even if i just bought it... do i have a story for that one ~i crave sunflower seeds whenever i read harry potter or the twilight series. just those series of books... ~i have never seen any of the following movies: indiana jones, back to the future, sound of music, wizard of oz, star wars, the goonies, gone with the wind, and a few others.... and i did grow up in America.

3 people I tag: justin, andy, and quinn! i just went with the theme of an apt! have fun answering the questions...! You copy my post in your blog and replace my answers with yours!