...out with the old and in with the new...?

lately i've been thinking a lot about everything that i have left behind in my move to arizona. i have really grown to miss a lot of the people, places, and things that i used to do before coming out here. i mean i guess this is all part of growing up right. i mean we move on, people come into your life, and people leave your life; maybe for a short time and maybe for forever. you have experiences that help you to grow and then they are over. some experiences may seem to come to a premature end and others may seem like they will never will. thats all part of this thing that we call life.

don't get my wrong i have enjoyed getting to know new people and stretching myself. its been fun starting anew and just going for it. my ward is great and i am having fun getting involved and doing something different than i am used to.

so now i'm just wondering how much of what and who i used to be will i still be at the end of all of this? how many people will i still talk to? who will i still consider a friend? and how many will consider me a friend? am i making enough time for both the old and the new? or am i holding on to the old so much that i can't really give an effort to the new? and how do i make sure that i don't become so engulfed with the new that i forget the old?

i have had friends that have gotten married, gone to med school, gone back to byu, moved home, never left home, and moved away for various reasons. how do you find a balance between them all? i've just really come to realize how much i miss a lot of them.

i was laying in bed the other night pondering about life and this very subject. i was going over some counsel that i had heard that had left an impression on my heart. i remember thinking, "i wonder what _____ would think about this. i would really like to hear what his thoughts are." i reached for my phone and looked up the phone number... but instead of pushing SEND i push END. i just kept thinking that he hasn't called so he must be busy... i don't want to bother him. he'll call when he isn't busy and then we can talk.... we still haven't talked. i talked myself out of it. lame. i know. but what happened to the two way street saying? me being selfish, i know. then you just sit and wonder... well what if they don't want to talk to me. what if i think of them and they don't think of me. once again... lame-o right?

it seem silly to think that a few hundred miles would put a metaphorical wall between our friendship. but that's life right. or is it? for example with this one particular friend, i have work and he has school. i have fhe here and he has fhe there... i'm busy trying to make new friends... he's probably doing the same... he is busy hanging out with the new friends he has... there's no time for the old ones and so on. i mean you can find excuse after excuse, but really what's the excuse?

then there's the whole friends of a different gender at this circumstance in our lives. i've heard the argument that there really isn't a point to developing deep relationships with members of the opposite sex unless you plan on making them your spouse. i mean i can kind of see that point, once you get married a very defined line is drawn... but what about before... i mean how are supposed to know that maybe one day this person could really become that best friend that you are looking for... or maybe help you find someone.

i have no idea if this makes any sense... theres so much more to it than this... but i can't find the right words to express what has been weighing on my mind. its somewhere between needing to find a balance between it all, timing (those friendships that developed right before leaving that i wish i could put more effort in) and getting over the fear of missing out. at the end of the day i guess it boils down to life goes on and i'm trying to not let that take away from what experiences that i had before. there comes a time to close a door and walk away... but when is that?

song for the post: for good-wicked